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F This Movie! (Only You Could Bring Me Back)

by Erich with an H

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1.
I read the news today Spring is on its way Winter’s over You can throw your boots away The groundhog told us so And there’s no reason for A weather-loving whistle pig To lead the world astray But that’s not all he said As he raised his furry head: “F This Movie Fest Is coming back earlier than ever and We’re gonna watch six films from ‘94 Films like Stargate and The Mask Terminal Velocity, Timecop, Speed And even Cabin Boy!” I was filled with glee But something gnawed at me He could see it in my eyes So I had to tell him why Here’s why… I haven’t been on Twitter Since that S.O.B. took over F This Movie, F This Movie Only you could bring me back When the day is over I just might log off forever F This Movie, F This Movie Only you could bring me back My woodchuck friend and I Sat in silence as I tried in vain to formulate A simple alibi I said “I feel like Al Pacino in Godfather III” He said “that’s not a reference I understand but I Can offer up to you A lesson that is true You learn it underground: ‘Never let the muskrats grind you down!’” I haven’t been on Twitter Since that S.O.B. took over F This Movie, F This Movie Only you could bring me back When the day is over I should just log off forever F This Movie, F This Movie Only you could bring me back Only you could bring me back And now the day is here I’m sitting pretty in A cozy little hideaway Beneath a maple tree My groundhog friend and I Eating snacks and watching shadows As they dance across his eighty-inch TV Laughing with our friends And hoping that this day will never end I haven’t been on Twitter Since that S.O.B. took over F This Movie, F This Movie Only you could bring me back When the day is over We should all log off forever F This Movie, F This Movie Only you could bring me back Oh two, two four, two oh two four F This Movie Fest! Say it loud: Never let the muskrats grind you down And we will all log off together Yes we will all log off together...
2.
Driving past the Calabasas Saddlery Passing twenty Teslas in a row Sea of red lights Washing out the road in front of me I’ll take it as a sign that Maybe I should take it slow Hiking in the mountains Singing "Edelweiss" in Spanish Past the grade the Temperature is up another ten Gas ain’t cheap in T’ousand Oaks Even though we use enough Seems like maybe someone Broke the law of supply and demand A pothole’s just an opportunity Around here it is always 70 Building sites are Frozen works of art If you never need to stop You never have to start Rich folks are hiding Somewhere out here in the hills Everybody walks a tiny dog Hummingbirds and crows Compete for real estate in palm trees That punctuate the vista Like an epilogue It’s implied This old town’s not for you Now and Then you know it may be true Wait for the rain So you can frolic in the bloom If you move away from Oxnard They will give away your room If you move away from Oxnard They will give away your room Gabby docents Talk about the ships Sporty wives will Grimace at your quips Lazy dogs out sleeping In the rain At Calabasas Saddlery They always know your name At Calabasas Saddlery They always know your name At Calabasas Saddlery Where everyday’s the same

about

Another year, another F This Movie Fest! It's a special fest because this is the first time in a few years I'm actually able to participate. In the years since my last FTMF, I've stopped using Twitter because of... reasons. "F This Movie! (Only You Could Bring Me Back)" is my attempt to reconcile my conflicted feelings, in the form of a conversation between me and a wise groundhog. Because some men would rather sing with groundhogs than go to therapy.

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released February 21, 2024

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Erich with an H New York

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